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Self preservation 

I’m not watching 13 reasons why, but everyone’s talking about it and telling me I should watch it – so here’s my response to anyone asking why I’m not watching it. 

I know two people who have committed suicide. Ive felt on the edge myself several times and have cut my legs and arms in desperation to harm myself and to punish myself, to some how express the overwhelming guilt that hangs like a cloud over me at all times. I know others who have been suicidal. I know it’s important for people to realise the effect that words can have on other people, but it’s not always as simple as that. 

There are systems in place that are meant to protect us from ourselves and sometimes they fail and that is not okay. Obviously I don’t know the full story of 13 reasons why so I don’t really know what I’m talking about, but I know watching it right now would do more damage than good to my mental health. I know I have to put myself first instead of keeping up with a trend. I know I need to deal with my own losses more than imaginary ones. I still haven’t forgotten my own bullies, abusers and comments from over the years. Everyday I hear a low whisper of voices talking about my insecurities again and again, I can’t take a made up persons as well, because I would take them on as my own. 

I have to keep my energy to deal with my own problems, and the problems of the people who really matter to me without a show designed to make me feel more guilty. If 13 reasons why is going to make people think about how they treat people, or even apologise to people then that’s great but I can’t watch it right now. Maybe someday, but not right now 

Love 

Sophie x

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