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Do I stop sharing? 

Am I too honest about what happens to me? When my friends ask how I’m doing, should I respond honestly? Am I actually just driving people away? Are they scared for me or scared of me? Does it matter if they treat me differently? The voices tend to get really loud when I start talking about them, which usually means I talk about them more because I’m stubborn. But when I tell people about them, I get the reaction that the voices say I’ll get, so is it really worth fighting them? Am I a danger to society? Am I scary? I don’t know. I want to raise awareness but I want people to talk to me and treat me normally. Can I have both? Am I forever going to be that mentally ill girl? Will anyone see me as sophie again? If the voices are right about this, then are they right about other things? Do I trust them? Probably a bad move… 

I’m confused. And hurting. And scared. And angry. 

A few days ago I got really angry at all of the things that have happened to me that triggered this illness. I don’t think that’s worn off. I want someone to blame for all of this. I miss being normal… 

I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to scare people off. I don’t want to worry people. But I also want to talk to people . Bottling is lonely and dangerous. Where do I find the balance between talking, but not talking too much? Friendships, relationships and life were so much easier with basic bitch depression and anxiety. Well, it might’ve been as bad but I don’t remember. Who’d have thought I’d be nostalgic about depression? 

Sorry if I’ve upset/worried or offended anyone 

Sophie x

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One thought on “Do I stop sharing? 

  1. Sophie I’m so sorry that you get some of the reactions you do. You’re still you no matter what is going on and it’s unfair the way you’re treated by some people. It’s infuriating when people disregard mental illnesses that aren’t depression or anxiety.
    I know it’s difficult to not feel burdened when you talk to your friends/family/anyone about what you’re going through, but you’re absolutely right that bottling is dangerous and unhealthy and I’m so happy that you feel strong enough to share everything you’ve gone and are going through. Keep going sweetie bc you’re a superstar xx

    Like

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